Rant and rave. Hem and haw.
Job Post Deluxe with a Shot of Vodka
What had started out as a search for a better job, turned into one of the darkest, most depressing periods of my existence. It seems that, regardless of what they told you in college, a dream job dangerously comes to close to really just being a dream. And yet before I hiked up my boots and kicked ass (while still employed in one of the more popular industries in this country) with the classified ads of the dailies and several www.jobs-galore-chenes-chenes....., I have had the nagging question of whether I never really gave much enthusiasm to the pursuit of my dreams. In the end, I realized this was true, probably because I opted to just dream about the dream job,and not have to face the reality of landing it, and finding out if I had a niche in the artists' world or not.
Just today an old friend forwarded to me through email a job posting. It was so ideal, SO the job I wanted that I burst into tears because of two things: 1. the fact that I was lucky to know of the opening,which was rare and really quite what I wanted and, 2. the fact that my friend thought of me, when all the while I have felt that this was a solitary,personal struggle, invisible to my friends.
Anyway, to end this semi-tipsy post, below is how I replied to my old friend -which I promptly did as soon as I sent my resume, of course
Hey Tovs,
I find it touching that you thought of me and sent me this post.Indeed, my friends seem to be part of the universe's conspiracy to help me reach my personal legend. Si Ferns tumutulong din. You know what, I would so much like to stay in the comforts of the walled, air-conditioned confines of this popular industry, if only I could quash out my dreams and just think of life's practicality. After all, it's easy for us to get in these stints and stay in. Sometimes I really castigate myself because I know that there are probably a lot of people there who need to land the jobs we land more than us. I feel so guilty for being ungrateful.
However, I find that I've arrived at a crossroad where I really have to face up to myself. And one of these days I know I will have to choose, maybe I'll find out after all if I'll be brave enough to face a thrifty existence in the light of my dreams. Maybe I'll be able to prove to myself that all my words about an artist's existence and the way of the wise and the bohemian life are not all fluff. Sometimes kasi I feel like a fake na, especially when old friends ask me if I'm still a writer and I answer, "In a way, yes..."
Anyway, nag-balloon na tong reply ko. I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to the cowardly whinings of a friend who was never courageous enough to stick to her dreams. Thanks talaga for the forward. Even if I don't get the job, it has been a bright point in my day to know that I'm not alone.
Love yah!
Misty